Love & Lust


02 June 2019

Am I Visible?

I have been bisexual for as long as I can remember...

Whether it was Natalie Portman's midriff or Ron Weasley's long hair that awoken my sexuality, it has been a constant presence in my life since my first kiss. I don't think I ever had an epiphany with my sexuality, more just gradual ups and downs of trying to find the words to express it, which is really difficult in a world that is very "label" orientated.

Which is why bi-visibility day is important to me; for a long time I felt unable to identity and express my sexuality without scorn, so today is celebrating the acceptance of myself.

However it is 2018 and the world seems to have a few mixed feelings about us bisexuals...

Frequently bisexuality is likened to being promiscuous or unfaithful or just there for the attention of men. In reality that is not the case. My bisexuality has no baring on my moral compass and it has even less bearing on my relationship with men.

FYI, I don't want a threesome with you and some other girl because lets face it, it will be as exciting as 7pm missionary you actual dish.

But how do we improve Bi-Visibility?

Short of wearing a combination of blue, purple and pink, how will others know where we stand? Do they need to know? How to we break the Bi stigma? It is my bi-lief that we do this through having more open and honest conversations about sexuality.

So in order to be V I S I B L E, I am going to give you the lowdown on this bisexual life.

Is it limited to men and women?

Feel free to fight me on this, but I don't think so no. If you're attracted to someone who is trans, non-binary or anything outside of the male/female brackets, I think that its fine to identify as bi.

Yeah they probably will but that's a them problem.

Does being Bisexual mean I am 50/50?

NO! the percentage will change so often throughout your life, and better still, it means nothing and no one. I have no idea what my ratio of men to women is and it doesn't matter.

My sexuality is fluid and frequently changes. Right now I am dating a man and have no interest in meeting someone else. Likewise when I have dated women, my attention is fully focused on them. Does this mean I will shag anything that moves? Not always but ask me again after I haven't had sex for a while and I might fuck you.

When you're in a relationship, do you miss the gender you aren't in a relationship with?

The moment I start lusting to a degree of "missing" in a relationship, there are bigger problems than my sexuality at hand. But otherwise no! What I am attracted to in a partner is such a whole entity that gender doesn't factor into. Sure the attributes I like in a partner do change and perhaps there are times where I want something that only one gender can typically offer (beeeeewbs) but by and large no.

Can being bisexual be confusing?

No more confusing than it is to be straight or gay. Sexuality is a fluid notion, what we fancy one day could change the next. Funnily enough I am a very "picky" person when it comes to who I want to date so if anything it's confusing working out whether I like them enough!

Whats the best part of being bisexual?


Does being bi mean you're poly?

Look I hate dating, its far too time consuming and the admin is ridiculous. My phone has actually predicted what my "tell me about yourself" answer now is. So the concept of having multiple dates sounds exhausting to me, so no. It just doesn't fit in with my Champagne lifestyle on a lemonade budget life. That being said, many people are poly and bi, but once again that's on par with many people being poly but strictly into blondes.

When you date men doesn't it make you a failed lesbian?

Now this one does upset me. Earlier in the year I concluded my long term relationship with a man and decided to focus on dating women for a while.

Primarily because I wasn't attracted to many men, but just because you don't fancy eating meat for a while it doesn't make you a vegetarian. Or a vagetarian in this scenario.

ANYWAY, after a while I started to date men again and someone called me a failed lesbian which really hurt, because that person has no idea how much work you have to put in to be a successful lesbian. There are numerous application forms and interviews you have to go through.

But no, being bisexual and dating one gender doesn't make you any less bi or a failure on any level!

But isn't it impossible to be attracted to men and women simultaneously?

We all thought it would be impossible for America to all vote for Trump but its 2018 and here we are.

But also just no. That is utter bollocks. It's honestly like saying you cannot be attracted to blondes and brunettes at the same time! For so many people its just not a factor, in my most radical opinion, being bisexual is totally natural and we are all probably a little bit bi underneath it all and its just social conditioning that has shut off that level of freedom in our sexual expression.

In conclusion...

Don't ever question someones sexuality. They have probably done it enough by themselves without you adding to it. If someone is bi, cool, if they're straight great, if they're gay marvellous!

Just encourage and nurture everyone to be loud and proud in their sexuality. Never use it as an insult nor make them feel that their sexuality puts them at risk. If you are genuinely unsure to the point where it is disrupting your daily life, just ask questions.

But don't ask for a threesome, most likely not going to happen.


Your Bisexual Queen. xox